A swift exchange (with an emphasis on "change")
"It's called growing apart."
"Were we ever even that close to begin with?"
. . .
How can you ever truly judge the depth of a friendship, and what makes such a depth achievable? Every day we come into contact with an overwhelming amount of people whom we consider either friends or acquaintances, and each relationship is different in a way. One can generalize the different levels of friendship, I suppose, but the fact remains that the complexity of these relationships is astounding. To ponder the implications and origins of each of these relationships is as futile as any attempt to watch the same snowflake's journey in the midst of a blizzard. The paths cross too near. The view is blinding.
But every day we bravely venture out, finding solace in the fact that we can ignore the subtleties and take comfort in blind acceptance of what's "normal". We wear our armor of good humor and keep tab in the back of our mind as people cross in front of us, stand next to us, walk past us.
A swift exchange on the sidewalk, hurrying to class: the flash of a smile, then "Hey, how's it going!" "Fine, and you?" "Good, thanks!" Those words are typically so empty they shatter as soon as they've fallen upon our ears. They then settle, fragmented, in our consciousness until they're swept away ten seconds later by another familiar smile ("Hey, how you doing?").
Best friends from high school send quick IM's (that's all they have time for these days). "I'll call you soon, I promise." Weeks of IM's and promises fade, though both are guilty parties. But when they're together, everything seems okay again, picking up right where the distance left them.
You meet someone new today while standing in line at the book store. She's pleasant--another bountiful dose of small talk and smiles, an ideal set up for a brochure picture. By the time you go online that night, she's requested your Facebook friendship. Who knows if you'll see her again? One more friend to tally onto your list. Almost 400 friendships! Imagine the possibilities.
Good friends you've known all your life start to change. They start to make choices you don't agree with, but rather than forcing themselves to live with your disapproval they push themselves away from you. It hurts you to see what they do to themselves, but you don't judge them. You wouldn't do that. Yet the distance grows, and the glances grow more chilled and more infrequent. The connections, ones you thought would last forever, fade.
A group of people meet randomly in college, coming together somehow through the complex and perilous structure of interwoven connections. They watch movies, sing karaoke, pile into one car and laugh as they speed down the highway with no thought of a destination, go to parties, explore the campus, laugh in the dining hall, stay up until the sun rises, sing loudly every night, joking and growing closer and embracing the belief that they were brought together by God's grace, never to part, wrapped up in their world and just thankful to be with one another. They love their time together. Fast forward three months to another weekend apart. They only see one another as a whole every few weeks now, if that. Two of the friends pass by in front of the Dining Hall and stop for a brief chat, first time in two days. The conversation grows thick with insinuations:
"Milkshake tonight?" ("Will you please come spend time with us again?")
"Maybe... I have a lot to do." ("I'm stressed out and can't afford to be with you guys, whether I want to or not.")
"So do I..." ("Sacrifice one hour for us. We all do it, that's the give and take of friendship.")
"Look, I just have a lot to get done. It's all different now anyway," then later, after objections, "Were we ever even that close to begin with?"
(Silence)
"So what are we then?" ("How could she have said that?")
"We're still friends, but it's just... really hard to be in a group now. I don't know. I really have to go."
The conversation starts to blur as the unstated meaning overlaps with what's said. Assumptions claw at one another overhead as their eyes fall to the ground in avoidance and frustration. Questions die in the mouth of the one left hurting, the one who finally understands that maybe the other doesn't find their friendship as worthy as they thought. Or maybe it's all a big miscommunication? But how can either of them know now, when they don't even have the time to talk? What's the point, one thinks, when I'll be gone soon and not have to deal with these changes. Why should I bother? What changed, the other wonders, that caused you to stop valuing the time you spend with people who have embraced you, who still miss you? Why can't you just try?
And what happens when you find yourself asking those questions to more than one person at a time, but rather to a whole handful of people you still care deeply about and miss? At that point, you start to wonder... how close were we? Wasn't this more than just an empty conversation while passing in the halls? You really believed that it was, but maybe some of them didn't. Too good to be true, perhaps, or at least too good to last. Who knew it could falter so quickly?
The questions spin out of control in your mind as you close your eyes, head in hands, and think back over the past six months. Has it really been half a year? Time spins ever faster around you, swirling over you like the rushing pool at the foot of a waterfall and leaving you gasping for breath, losing your foundation. You grab at rocks to hold onto, at flashes of memory and hands to hold, only to discover that some of them are no longer there. You give in to the uncertainty of the waters and pray to end up down the right path, quickly discovering that the only place on which you can fix your eyes is overhead, straight up to the sky. But even when you look above your view changes, and the sky evolves at it's own will. You're helpless in the river, but for good reason. To resist the current is foolish--you'll never reach your destination if you're constantly fighting against that which will take you there. On and on we swim and flounder. "How'd you like to be alone and drowning?" But the sun reassures you that you're not alone. "Tick tock, tell me where the time goes." The handholds slip past and the cool waters sting your skin. "No day but today." Above the rushing waves, birds chatter in the distance. "The soft dive of oblivion." The clouds swirl overhead as you take a deep breath and tumble on.
Verily, to resist the current would be both foolish and futile. To resist is not to admit defeat, not in the slightest--to resist is to ignore mortality. And that is one grave mistake.
So here we all are, at the mercy of the perpetually changing currents of our lives, wondering how we can possibly hold onto one another in the midst of so much chaos. How can we form relationships when the odds seem to be so far against us? What's the point if we'll be torn apart from one another in a few months or years? Why should we bother to invest our lives and our time into others who could betray our trust and turn their backs, who could merely throw more water on top of our floundering bodies as we struggle to find a balance? So many people are caving into those doubts, but I for one refuse to do so.
I refuse to give in to those doubts, even as I watch people I love (and trust) pull themselves away from me more and more every day. I refuse even as I come to realize that friends can cause each other just as much pain as enemies, if not more. I cannot lose faith in these relationships, however strong or frail they become, because in my heart I know that each life has an eternal purpose, a deeper meaning than any mortal can explain. It is our intrinsic nature to focus on the darkness, to invest in anxiety, but I will not allow myself to invest any more time in that doubt. Life is, in an of itself, too great a mystery for us to waste any time asking the wrong questions. I may never be able to explain what makes some people connect and what forces others to grow apart, but I know that certain people will never walk out of my life. I doubt I'll ever be able to understand why those relationships form or fade, or even how I should go about resolving the pain that comes from growing apart, but I trust that our lives intertwine for a reason. It will probably take me a long time to accept the changes taking place around me, and to accept the currents of time that so often overwhelm my spirit. But I have faith in the good that is within all people, and in a wisdom far beyond my own. In my perspective, the superb aspects of the human character far outweigh the vices, because we were made in the image of one who is pure, just, and good. In our choices we may stray from this image, but the greatest thing I can do with my life is recognize the pieces of that image within those around me. This belief is the central difference between myself and an author who would have ended this rant with the gloomy questions of the previous paragraph.
My life continues to evolve in ways I never anticipated. It's overwhelming, uplifting, confusing, frustrating, humorous, sad, challenging, suffocating and liberating all at once. The translucent clouds continue to swirl and leave me searching for the rainbow I know is overhead, somewhere. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of it. Sometimes I don't. Either way, my life spins on, and in spite of the exhaustion of this journey, I'm loving it.
"Were we ever even that close to begin with?"
. . .
How can you ever truly judge the depth of a friendship, and what makes such a depth achievable? Every day we come into contact with an overwhelming amount of people whom we consider either friends or acquaintances, and each relationship is different in a way. One can generalize the different levels of friendship, I suppose, but the fact remains that the complexity of these relationships is astounding. To ponder the implications and origins of each of these relationships is as futile as any attempt to watch the same snowflake's journey in the midst of a blizzard. The paths cross too near. The view is blinding.
But every day we bravely venture out, finding solace in the fact that we can ignore the subtleties and take comfort in blind acceptance of what's "normal". We wear our armor of good humor and keep tab in the back of our mind as people cross in front of us, stand next to us, walk past us.
A swift exchange on the sidewalk, hurrying to class: the flash of a smile, then "Hey, how's it going!" "Fine, and you?" "Good, thanks!" Those words are typically so empty they shatter as soon as they've fallen upon our ears. They then settle, fragmented, in our consciousness until they're swept away ten seconds later by another familiar smile ("Hey, how you doing?").
Best friends from high school send quick IM's (that's all they have time for these days). "I'll call you soon, I promise." Weeks of IM's and promises fade, though both are guilty parties. But when they're together, everything seems okay again, picking up right where the distance left them.
You meet someone new today while standing in line at the book store. She's pleasant--another bountiful dose of small talk and smiles, an ideal set up for a brochure picture. By the time you go online that night, she's requested your Facebook friendship. Who knows if you'll see her again? One more friend to tally onto your list. Almost 400 friendships! Imagine the possibilities.
Good friends you've known all your life start to change. They start to make choices you don't agree with, but rather than forcing themselves to live with your disapproval they push themselves away from you. It hurts you to see what they do to themselves, but you don't judge them. You wouldn't do that. Yet the distance grows, and the glances grow more chilled and more infrequent. The connections, ones you thought would last forever, fade.
A group of people meet randomly in college, coming together somehow through the complex and perilous structure of interwoven connections. They watch movies, sing karaoke, pile into one car and laugh as they speed down the highway with no thought of a destination, go to parties, explore the campus, laugh in the dining hall, stay up until the sun rises, sing loudly every night, joking and growing closer and embracing the belief that they were brought together by God's grace, never to part, wrapped up in their world and just thankful to be with one another. They love their time together. Fast forward three months to another weekend apart. They only see one another as a whole every few weeks now, if that. Two of the friends pass by in front of the Dining Hall and stop for a brief chat, first time in two days. The conversation grows thick with insinuations:
"Milkshake tonight?" ("Will you please come spend time with us again?")
"Maybe... I have a lot to do." ("I'm stressed out and can't afford to be with you guys, whether I want to or not.")
"So do I..." ("Sacrifice one hour for us. We all do it, that's the give and take of friendship.")
"Look, I just have a lot to get done. It's all different now anyway," then later, after objections, "Were we ever even that close to begin with?"
(Silence)
"So what are we then?" ("How could she have said that?")
"We're still friends, but it's just... really hard to be in a group now. I don't know. I really have to go."
The conversation starts to blur as the unstated meaning overlaps with what's said. Assumptions claw at one another overhead as their eyes fall to the ground in avoidance and frustration. Questions die in the mouth of the one left hurting, the one who finally understands that maybe the other doesn't find their friendship as worthy as they thought. Or maybe it's all a big miscommunication? But how can either of them know now, when they don't even have the time to talk? What's the point, one thinks, when I'll be gone soon and not have to deal with these changes. Why should I bother? What changed, the other wonders, that caused you to stop valuing the time you spend with people who have embraced you, who still miss you? Why can't you just try?
And what happens when you find yourself asking those questions to more than one person at a time, but rather to a whole handful of people you still care deeply about and miss? At that point, you start to wonder... how close were we? Wasn't this more than just an empty conversation while passing in the halls? You really believed that it was, but maybe some of them didn't. Too good to be true, perhaps, or at least too good to last. Who knew it could falter so quickly?
The questions spin out of control in your mind as you close your eyes, head in hands, and think back over the past six months. Has it really been half a year? Time spins ever faster around you, swirling over you like the rushing pool at the foot of a waterfall and leaving you gasping for breath, losing your foundation. You grab at rocks to hold onto, at flashes of memory and hands to hold, only to discover that some of them are no longer there. You give in to the uncertainty of the waters and pray to end up down the right path, quickly discovering that the only place on which you can fix your eyes is overhead, straight up to the sky. But even when you look above your view changes, and the sky evolves at it's own will. You're helpless in the river, but for good reason. To resist the current is foolish--you'll never reach your destination if you're constantly fighting against that which will take you there. On and on we swim and flounder. "How'd you like to be alone and drowning?" But the sun reassures you that you're not alone. "Tick tock, tell me where the time goes." The handholds slip past and the cool waters sting your skin. "No day but today." Above the rushing waves, birds chatter in the distance. "The soft dive of oblivion." The clouds swirl overhead as you take a deep breath and tumble on.
Verily, to resist the current would be both foolish and futile. To resist is not to admit defeat, not in the slightest--to resist is to ignore mortality. And that is one grave mistake.
So here we all are, at the mercy of the perpetually changing currents of our lives, wondering how we can possibly hold onto one another in the midst of so much chaos. How can we form relationships when the odds seem to be so far against us? What's the point if we'll be torn apart from one another in a few months or years? Why should we bother to invest our lives and our time into others who could betray our trust and turn their backs, who could merely throw more water on top of our floundering bodies as we struggle to find a balance? So many people are caving into those doubts, but I for one refuse to do so.
I refuse to give in to those doubts, even as I watch people I love (and trust) pull themselves away from me more and more every day. I refuse even as I come to realize that friends can cause each other just as much pain as enemies, if not more. I cannot lose faith in these relationships, however strong or frail they become, because in my heart I know that each life has an eternal purpose, a deeper meaning than any mortal can explain. It is our intrinsic nature to focus on the darkness, to invest in anxiety, but I will not allow myself to invest any more time in that doubt. Life is, in an of itself, too great a mystery for us to waste any time asking the wrong questions. I may never be able to explain what makes some people connect and what forces others to grow apart, but I know that certain people will never walk out of my life. I doubt I'll ever be able to understand why those relationships form or fade, or even how I should go about resolving the pain that comes from growing apart, but I trust that our lives intertwine for a reason. It will probably take me a long time to accept the changes taking place around me, and to accept the currents of time that so often overwhelm my spirit. But I have faith in the good that is within all people, and in a wisdom far beyond my own. In my perspective, the superb aspects of the human character far outweigh the vices, because we were made in the image of one who is pure, just, and good. In our choices we may stray from this image, but the greatest thing I can do with my life is recognize the pieces of that image within those around me. This belief is the central difference between myself and an author who would have ended this rant with the gloomy questions of the previous paragraph.
My life continues to evolve in ways I never anticipated. It's overwhelming, uplifting, confusing, frustrating, humorous, sad, challenging, suffocating and liberating all at once. The translucent clouds continue to swirl and leave me searching for the rainbow I know is overhead, somewhere. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of it. Sometimes I don't. Either way, my life spins on, and in spite of the exhaustion of this journey, I'm loving it.
posted by Sarah @ 12:03 PM
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