A flash of light

snaps just as two people jump,
creating a blurred photograph -
one frenzied moment in time
captured.

The sky speeds from steely blue
into darkness, with random clouds
scattered overhead in a
triumph of pastels.
One blink of my eyes and the world
springs to life around me,
inside me,
without me.
Headlights approach and fade,
though some stay, and voices grow
louder as the night takes its toll.
I always knew these nights would come
but fought against them fiercely.
The finality seemed to much
to bear until they were
upon me.
This whole time
all I've wanted to do is find a way
to clarify the emotions I've feared
to release, and to embrace
the people who shape my life
before they
slip from my grasp.

Echoes of criticism resonate
within these walls, and become
deeply embedded inside
my heart.
Rarely do I feel so helpless when
giving all that I have, trying
with all my might to share my time
equally
and give of myself
quietly.
Lately it seems that each effort
falls into fruitlessness, and every second
the clock mocks me more.
I'm trying for you.
For me.
To prepare for this.

The night races by in a haze
of bonfire smoke
and laughing faces.
Rolling down hills next to
one of the closest friends I've ever had,
the deadened grass poking at our arms
and burning our elbows,
time finally gives in.
Screams and bruises,
lost watches and flip flops,
a fire burning low and the ground
covered in tiny pieces of debris,
a circle of friends beneath a street light
embraces the night as though
time knows no power.
Yet as one by one they pull away
my heart slowly weakens
until finally I'm left standing at
the edge of my driveway,
alone in the night, bracing myself
for the reprimand over my own
blatant foolishness, but
for one moment
staring at the heavens
and thanking God for these days.

One frenzied moment captured
in a blur of light.