In twelve hours time I'll be standing on my porch
staring a truck packed with my life
and padded by new pillows.
The hours will race, though those final seconds will crawl
and I'll say goodbye to my father
as he leans against his crutches
and sips his diet Mountain Dew.
My mind will flash back to this moment
and the song echoing in the air -
("Who's afraid of the tickie pinch?")
Absurd to an outsider, but it brings a smile to me.
The air keeps humming with memories
on this final night
and try as I may I can't bring myself to
close my eyes
or give in to the slumber.
I want to listen to the highway humming
and stare at the sleeping face of the dog I love.
I want to stay up too late staring at this screen
like old times,
or wander around my room reading ancient notes
and staring at disheveled photographs.
I want to stay awake as long as possible
to notice the things I never took time
to glance at before.
I want to sleep here forever
but never close my eyes.

Yet a night of restless wandering can only
lead to repetitive thoughts
and broken visions
of a past and future blurred as one.
The heart's desires are helpless to the
spinning of the earth
and inevitably contradictory.
I want to stand here in the world
I've always trusted
yet I long to run out the door.
Standing leads to nowhere
but a step can take me around the world...
and home.
And soon I'll see this familiar door again,
and I'll smile because I'll know that
I was never alone
and the road
brings new horizons.

So I'll sleep now knowing all too well
that dreams are always welcome here,
but cannot ever awaken until I
take a step
away.